Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Religion pt 1.

The plain fact is religion must die for mankind to live. The hour is getting very late to be able to indulge in having key decisions made by religious people - by irrationalists - by those who would steer the ship of state, not by a compass, but by the equivalent of reading the entrails of a chicken.

-Bill Maher

Its true. You know it and I know it, yet, somehow people all over the world throw away all common sense because of a book that was written by a bunch of geezers. Today I rant about religion. Namely the catholic church. Come on people, when you look at the bible how can you not ask yourselves the simplest of questions? “how can an old man build that big of a boat? If he did, where is it?” or better yet “why do all the symbols of Christianity look familiar? I could have sworn I saw them somewhere” and the answers are really simple. No an old man didn’t build that boat and the symbols are ripped off of other religions AND the one of the founders of this religion was a pagan until the church came knocking on his castle and he simply joined them and believed in what was “hip”. And people, please, just look at the bible for what it is. A book on being a good person. Don’t let the church tell you that to be happy you need to have blind faith in this being who, if is real, hasn’t done anything to prove he is real.

But I guess my real problem is with the zealots. The people who tell you straight up you are going to hell unless you pray to this dead guy on some wood. These are the people who really get on my nerves and make me want to kick puppies. And the best part is you can’t even reason with them, even with simple logic, for example: “Y’know, Jesus wasn’t the first. There was this Egyptian who was also born in December, had some followers and did some miracles” to which they reply “Jesus was here first, that kind of talk is the work of the devil!” then you could point out that Egyptian pharos came way before Jesus but they won’t have that. God! What is wrong with you over zealous pricks? I really like that one woman I forget her name, the god hates fags girl. Yea, she is fucked seven ways from Sunday. And not only is she fucked in the head but she also brainwashed her sons and daughters into believing that’s horse shit so now you got the crazy family taking the “word of the lord” way to seriously and giving assholes like me more ammo for my gun. I guess thank you crazy lady. And the Duggers, you know them, the family with their own hockey team. Last count was 18 kids and one grandchild right? I am sure they are nice people but whenever I hear them talk it is always about how god wanted them to have 18 kids. I am sure it has nothing to do with how the Vatican says condoms are bad and we shouldn’t use them. Oh don’t worry Vatican you are next, don’t you worry. Back to the Duggers. Eighteen kids?! Let’s leave god out of this, do you know how much resources a kid takes up? More diapers are filling our landfills and more laundry and bathing is taking more water away from us. You know, regular people with normal sized families. And let’s not forget that within most of our lifetimes your kids will be driving and pumping our skies with more pollution and taking away precious ozone. Didn’t think of that did you Mr Dugger? Next time throw on a jimmy hat.

Ok, Vatican, come into my office.

You are probably the world’s richest country yet you don’t pay your staff enough to stop touching little boys (may as well get that one out early) and yet the world’s best con men live in you. I am talking about the Catholic Church. Think about it, you must be one great sales man to get the majority of the world’s population to believe that this one guy cast some magic, died, came back to life and if we eat him and think his daddy is a swell guy we all get to live in this amazing place. I tip my hat to you.

How did you do it Church? Even a nine year old mentally challenged child could see what your passing off is complete bullshit. Hell! Even a leafs fan could see it. In fact I think another famous historical person took a lesson from you. The emperor from star wars. Use fear to your advantage. People fear death so you offer them this nice packaged story with a happy ending you call heaven and people eat that shit up and give you 10% of their yearly earnings. When good things happen in the world you claim we are being rewarded for our faith and when bad things happen then people weren’t faithful enough.

I leave this post with a quote and a promise to talk about this topic again. I am sure it will be after I watch another program where some crazy ass religious family goes ape shit.

"The Bible is not my book, and Christianity is not my religion. I could never give assent to the long, complicated statements of Christian dogma."

- A. Lincoln.